Selective Access is a Flex

Not everyone deserves a reply

Read that again.

Your attention is finite. Your energy is finite. Your time? Definitely finite.

But we act like it’s unlimited. Reply to everyone. Help everyone. Be available always.

That’s not kindness. That’s a leak.

Selective access is a flex

In 2026, the flex isn’t being busy. It’s being unreachable to the wrong people.

Think about it. The most successful people you know? They’re not in every group chat. They’re not replying to every DM. They’re not attending every meeting.

They’re selective. On purpose.

Here’s what I learned the hard way

I used to reply to everyone. Every DM. Every email. Every “quick question” that was never quick.

Felt good. Felt helpful. Felt like I was being a good person.

Then I burned out. Hard.

The people I was helping? Most didn’t even remember. Some came back wanting more. A few got annoyed when I couldn’t keep up.

Meanwhile, the people who actually mattered? My close friends, my family, my real collaborators? They got the tired version of me. The leftovers.

That’s backwards.

The rules I follow now

Not every message needs a reply. Some messages are just noise. Let them be noise.

Slow replies are a filter. Reply instantly and you train people to expect it. Reply slow and the non-urgent stuff filters itself out.

Your effort is earned, not owed. You don’t owe anyone your time just because they asked for it. That’s not how this works.

Protect your access like it’s valuable. Because it is. The people closest to you should get the best of you. Not the scraps.

No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain. You don’t need to justify. Just no.

But won’t people think I’m rude?

Maybe. Some will.

But here’s the thing. The people who matter? They get it. They’re doing the same thing.

The people who call you rude for having boundaries? They wanted something from you. Something you weren’t obligated to give.

Their disappointment is not your problem.

Selective access in practice

• DMs from strangers asking for free advice? I point them to my content. If they want more, they can book a call.

• Meetings that could be an email? I decline. Or I ask for an agenda first. Most never send one.

• People who only reach out when they need something? I notice. And I match their energy.

• Group chats that are 90% noise? Muted. Forever.

• Requests that don’t excite me? No. Even if it seems like a good opportunity. Especially then.

The goal isn’t to be cold

It’s to be intentional.

Give your best energy to the people and projects that actually matter. The ones who show up for you. The ones who add to your life.

Everyone else gets what’s left. If anything.

2026 tip

Stop trying to be accessible to everyone. Start protecting your access like it’s your most valuable asset.

Because it is.

Selective access isn’t selfish. It’s survival. It’s sustainability. It’s how you keep showing up for the people who actually deserve it.

Be unreachable to the wrong people. Be present for the right ones.

That’s the flex.

P.S. follow me on Twitter – I share more thoughts on work, life, and protecting your energy.